NB. I talk about some ignorant and hateful parenting in this post. However, some parents are absolutely wonderful, invaluable parents as well as amazing examples of NT allies. Please refer to my sidebar for links to some of their blogs, marked with a (P).
So. Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of talk on autism acceptance pages, on parent pages, about tone. About how we’re so angry, about how we have to be nice to people or they won’t listen to us, how “for the good of the movement” we have to engage on the ignorant person’s level.
The thing is, up to a point, those people are right. On a purely individual level, a lot of the time, if you get defensive and upset, people won’t listen to you. They should. But they won’t, because you’re “angry.”
Anger is a scary thing for most neurotypicals, never mind us autistics. We don’t know where it will lead most of the time. We as a society are used to people modulating their emotions, speaking in calm tones, and those who don’t are “loose cannons.” They’re “unstable” or “weird” (read: nonconforming). There’s a place for sadness, or for fear that is socially acceptable – funerals, or scary movies, or late at night as a child when you think there’s monsters under your bed. But anger never seems to be okay with the majority of people.